This is what I characterize my anxiety as. This is what haunts me when I leave the house and I don’t plan situations accordingly. The unknown, the uncontrollable and the unknowable. This is what scares me. Situations where I don’t feel I have the necessary skills to handle a situation.
I’ve been trying to break out of this fear for as long as I can remember now. I’ve tried so hard to try new things and have exciting experiences, but truth be told I’ve been failing by my own standards. By that I mean, I have driving anxiety. I took driver’s ed in high school, I did extra classes before my test, hell I have my full license. But I can’t seem to get in the car, back out of the driveway and go to the store when I need something. It’s a combination of seeing how the people in my neighborhood drive, having sat in the passenger seat of driver’s who are way too aggressive and of course, being afraid of getting into an accident.
I feel like I’ve let my fear rule over me for years. Its comfortable. Everyday I struggle to break that comfort. Some days are better than others, and I’m nowhere near as bad as I was at the end of high school and beginning of college. Little progress is progress all the same and although I’m happy with where I am now in comparison, I know I have a long way to go.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m trying. And I’m going to work hard every day to continue to make that forward progress because, state of mind is everything. Belief in my own ability to overcome has gotten me this far and I can only hope that I continue to strive to be my best self.