It has been quite some time, hasn’t it? I feel like this is constantly happening to me. I make the decision to stick to something, lose interest and then come back to it months (or in this case weeks) later with a half assed apology and another promise there is no guarantee I will actually keep.
I find that to be the thing with me and writing. It’s there when I feel overwhelmed with thoughts that I can’t fully express verbally, but once put into the air, its gone and takes quite a while to come back. I’ve been in a rut lately. I’ve become complacent doing the bare minimum and have felt absolutely miserable. I say I want to write but don’t know what to write about. I say I want to work but I can barely motivate myself to leave the house. My anxiety has gotten so much worse and now I feel depression settling in.
For weeks I’ve had courses saved to learn more about communications and social media and writing, but for some reason I felt like I couldn’t start them unless I knew I was going to stick to them. So they just sat there, and everyday I told myself “tomorrow”, until 3 weeks passed and I finally said to myself “What the fuck is stopping you?”.
When I was in college, even in high school I used to procrastinate. I think it’s safe to say that many of us did. But when there is no pressure, no time-table to abide by, you can waste actual weeks doing absolutely nothing. I guess you can say my return is my turn around. I’m tired of doing nothing and wondering why I feel so miserable. I’ve done the things I’ve been putting off for weeks, I’ve started up a communications course and here I am, writing about it.
Old habits aren’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe they’re just a reminder that you didn’t like the way it was before, and its best not to settle back into those ways now.