I would say I’m pretty decent at reading people. If someone’s mood changes, I can usually pick up on it immediately and try to help them in some way or another to my best ability. During a conversation via text however I find it hard to decipher the real meaning of what someone is trying to get across. Truthfully, this doesn’t happen very often but it usually happens if I’m texting someone I’m interested in.

Allow me to explain further.

I think by now, I’ve become comfortable sharing my experiences. I’m 22. I’ve said this before. But something that I haven’t said is that I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve never been kissed, never been out on a date, and I honestly I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything that special. In high school this was very much the opposite of my sentiments. To my teenage self, I felt so behind the curve when it came to dating and all of that romantic hormonal shit everyone was going on about. Now, I’ve been fine living my life convinced that no one will ever love me and I’ll eventually die alone surrounded by dogs but it has come to my attention recently after sitting down at a late lunch with my friends that I may have just been very oblivious to some very obvious attempts of guys trying to further a relationship with me.

Now, the reason I thought this  was complete bullshit was because I’ve never had anyone ever tell me they’ve felt anything more towards me other than friendship. Therefore, if you’re nice to me, laugh at my shitty jokes, whatever it may be I’ll assume it’s because you’re a good friend. I never think twice about my interactions with people because surely if they felt something more, they would say so. Wouldn’t they? Buying someone a coffee, taking the train with them, enjoying their presence, that’s just part of getting to know someone. And I mean standard getting to know someone, not like deep conversations, tragic back story getting to know someone.

I think if I were to go back into some interactions I’ve had with some people they would look me in the face and say “OF COURSE I WAS INTO YOU DUMMY, BUT WHEN YOU DIDN’T TAKE THE HINT I HAD TO MOVE ON!”. Which, to their defense I wouldn’t blame them if they did. I’m just so used to automatically believing that there is no way someone of substance, someone who has taken the time to talk to me and know a little about my sense of humor would ever want to further a relationship romantically.

So this is where I say, if there were those opportunities – and there is one in particular that I’m thinking of – that I missed because I’m oblivious to all things dating and relationships, I apologize if I ever made you feel like you weren’t wanted or enough or worth moving forward with. Truth is I’m just as blind to this shit as I am in real life (my lenses are really thick ok, can’t see a thing without my glasses).

The pride in me wants to scrap this piece and pretend I’m not here wallowing in self-pity at all the times I’ve never noticed someone was trying to flirt with me, but sometimes its better to just eat your pride and make an honest realization. Besides, most of the time when I do get the honest approach, those encounters end with muting the conversation and hoping no one ever finds me interesting ever again. There are too many creeps that take things way too far, especially when they don’t know you in real life. At that point, I’m just happy to be by my merry ass self.

And before anyone decides to ask, I’m very particular. I’m not the kind of person to go on a date with just anyone. If we’re going to take the time do things, I want there to actually be potential, not a free meal and a half assed conversation. Friends first is how it should be, for myself anyway.