I am as pessimistic as they come. I’m very much the glass half empty person, the person whose grandma is always telling them they need to go to church, and the person who takes things as they are, not as they hope and wish they would be. I am grossly sarcastic, but at the same time I don’t take myself too seriously. It’s very easy to mistake pessimism and sarcasm as someone thinking they know better than anyone else. I can only hope that I don’t come off that way.

The reason I’m starting out by saying this is because when it comes to spirituality and religion, I’m indifferent (for lack of a better term). I have no problems with people who are very religious unless they try to control the way I’m living my life. And I have no problems with people who believe in entities that control our fate outside of religion. I find my own set of beliefs to lay loosely along the lines of the latter. As a sports fan, I’m superstitious and I am in no way saying that this equates to spirituality or religion in any way because that would be really weird, but it goes along with my beliefs, if that makes sense. That little something that changes the energy of a game, those little rituals that you’re certain mean nothing but you do them anyway because you hold on to that little belief that maybe is does mean something.

I realize this contradicts what I said earlier about taking things as they are not how I hope they would be. I would be lying if I denied¬†changing clothes when my favorite team was losing in an effort to send positive vibes to help will a win. There is something in me despite all these protective negative layers that holds on to the hope that there is something that guides our lives. But part of me looks at all the really horrible things in the world and can’t imagine it was the will of anyone but the shitty people who do those things. It’s incredible to feel so torn but at ease with this idea of belief and spirituality.

This entire conversation, idea, thread of nonsense that I’m calling a post was brought to fruition because of a bracelet I recently brought to benefit a charity to send girls to school for higher education. It has a small amethyst crystal on it. Personally I bought it because I love the color purple, but looking into the meaning of it I realized that maybe these things we believe in don’t have real power but instead are needed to help us realize our own strength. They’re there to remind us that we should be present minded, we should practice the ideas of kindness, self-love and understanding that we so often are taught but think unachievable.

I should also mention that the bracelet I got has a plate on it that says balance. Which is what I’m trying to practice in my everyday life. Balance between what I’ve been taught and what I believe.